No. No! Go around! I’ve just swept this bit! You watched me finish this patch of dust and now you wanna drag your filthy boots all over it? No. Go around the back or I’ll bite your knees.

It’s autumn, and the paths are full of pretty leaves and shiny nuts… and dirt. Mush. Rotting foliage and soggy mud and don’t even get me started on the poop! I don’t want that on the floor! And all the beetles and spiders and even mice…

The natural world is all very pretty but can we keep it outdoors, please? It’s much happier out there, anyway.